Today I took Alice to get her 3 year old checkup. I love our pediatrician's office. I called them up because I got done with class early enough today that I had time to go pick Alice up and still get over there. They very nicely found a way to squeeze us in today. Here are some of the highlights of this afternoon....
After I pick Alice up "Mommy, is this the doctor?" As we leave the parking lot. "I need my baby, Mommy! We going to doctor so she can fix my booboo on my leg and then I'll feel all better and good. After dropping her baby, Mommy I need my baby back, she falled down. ("I can't stop Alice, rule in car is driver drives"). Okay, when we get to red light then you'll get it for me. (While on the interstate). Mommy, mommy! (yes, ALice?) You have to get the baby now! It's girl's turn to drive. She need drive. Alice, Mommy is a girl..... No, you are a boy, like Daddy.
Mommy, I need my kitty cat shoe... as she rips off kitty cat shoe and throws it in the floor. Alice, rule is mommy drives... Next we discuss school. Alice thinks I have lots of friends at school.
Now the real highlights of the visit:
My daughter is a giant. >95 % in height and 90-95% in weight. (She's proportional).
We go through the same questions as everytime with the medical assistant.. "Do you have well water, central air, etc." Then she starts asking questions like can she hop on one foot, can she button her own clothes? (This frustrates me a bit since Alice is completely capable of answering these questions and being ignored, so I start addressing them to her, and the assistant takes the hint and starts asking her the appropriate ones. Some are past her understanding but the rest she enjoyed.) Takes an extra minute or two, but end up with a very happy kid at the end, since Alice loves to talk to everyone.
Next I put Alice in her gown.. It's a paper thing which she falls in love with. She insists on lying down on the exam table and me turning the lights off while we wait on the doctor, then I had to turn the lights on since she was worried the doctor wouldn't find us.
So, Dr. A completes part of the physical, all is going great until she gets out the........ reflex hammer of doom! Alice takes on look at it, realizes it is coming near her leg and flips out. She tells Dr. A "You can't use that, that'll hurt me. Look, Alice, here's a little practice tap, that doesn't hurt.... Yes it does!!! It hurts me, don't do it again. At this point Alice has clenched up all her leg muscles and crossed her legs. Dr. A enters into negotiations... I'm only hitting my hand on your leg, not your leg. Alice isn't having any of this and crumples into the fetal position with her hands over her leg to ensure no possibility of a sneak attack. Tactics are changed and it's decided to come back to this at a later point. The rest of the exam goes totally smoothly....
Then Alice, turning towards Dr. A "When is the doctor coming back? WHere'd she go? Doctor: I am the doctor. No, she is doctor, where is she? I realize Alice thinks the medical assistant is the doctor. The doctor come back in a minute, while nodding her head. Doctor: no, Alice I'm the doctor. Alice finally at the end of the visit agrees that Dr. A is the doctor, but still gives her suspicious looks about it. Dr. A and I both try to explain that doctors got to lots more school, and it's a different job.
Side tangential note here: It drives me nuts when people think I'm in medical school to become a nurse. I feel that nurses are an essential part of the medical team, but I am not going to school for this long for everyone to assume I'm a nurse because I'm a woman. Not sure why Alice wouldn't believe us that the doctor was the doctor, but I figure it's because she is 3, and very positive of her point of view being correct.
Back to the reflex hammer. Alice is sitting on my lap. "No, you going hurt my leg, when you hit me last time it hurt, you can't use the hammer." Doctor Okay, how about if I just use my hand? okay... immediately clenches up all leg muscles and shrieks about it hurting. Further negotiations ensue. She allows Mommy to try, but mommy is not coordinated with her left arm with a tongue depresser..... Alice decided the tongue depressor, which is hot pink and apparently tastes delicious feels good on her leg.
Dr. A is finally given permission to test Alice's reflexes with a tongue depress r. That's when you know you have a great doctor, they are willing to negotiate insanity to make the patient more comfortable, and make them remember the doctor's office as a fun place to be rather than a miserable experience.
After we get home Alice runs in the front door to tell daddy all about how the doctor hurt her leg with the hammer, but the pink made it feel good.
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